COEN COEN GONE

SO GERRARD ISN'T REALLY THAT BAD AFTER ALL

Here's a quick quiz:
The daily newspapers report that Rafa Benitez thinks that his captain, Steven Gerrard is rubbish and is at fault for the teams bad start to the season; so it's Saturday afternoon with 80 minutes gone and Liverpool are being held 2-2 by Bolton, what does Gerrard do?
a) Go missing, leaving Liverpool with an unwanted 2-2 draw?
b) Miss an easy chance, leaving Liverpool with an unwanted a 2-2 draw?
c) Give up, Leaving Liverpool with an unwanted 2-2 draw?
d) Smash an unstoppable right footed drive into the top corner earning Liverpool a very welcome 3-2 win?


Wasn't hard was it? He's been bailing you out for years Rafa.

CRAP KITS AND PLAC


Chelsea earned themselves two honours this week; by showing Man Utd and Everton just how to beat Burnley they take over as the Premier league's best team. They strolled to a 3-0 victory at Stamford Bridge with Nicolas Anelka bagging another goal thanks to another set up from Didier Drogba, prompting TV "experts" all over the world to announce, "Who says they can't play together?" after spending the past two years telling us that themselves.
However, this weeks crap kit award goes to the Blues, for their new home shirt. Those panels on the chest are just weird, and the collar has a zip. A zip? The kit designer obviously has no idea that lazy midfielder Michael Ballack models himself on his hero David Hasselhoff, and keeps his chest hair well groomed. One reckless pull of that zip could turn the German into a Brazilian.

SICKNOTE STANDINGS
The league is really hotting up now; Saha turned in yet another 75 minutes before being substituted. Reports from Goodison say that it was a precaution; in the 74th minute, Saha shot out a snot rocket and spotted a tinge of blood. While at Old Trafford, Owen didn't even get a game, letting Saha catch up; both players are now on 3 appearances a piece. Calm down everyone.


ALMUNIA FOR ENGLAND
Finally, the biggest game of the season so far, no not Wolves v Hull, the showdown between Manchester United and Arsenal.
The Gunners started well and were ahead through an absolute beauty from Andrey Arshavin leading to that bloody annoying finger to the mouth and shush the closest set of fans even if they are his own and going crazy goal celebration. The smile was soon wiped off his face though when his goalkeeper and defence decided to take proceedings into their own hands and hand the game to the Mancs. Apparently Manuel Almunia stands a chance of being picked for the England squad and going to the World Cup, even if he looks like his gloves are made of butter. But he did his chances no harm at all by charging out his goal, and taking out the angelic Wayne Rooney at the knees, just as the ball Rooney had kicked was reaching row z of the Stretford end.



Just a few minutes later, and the mission was complete. Standing alone in the penalty area, Abou Diaby met a looping freekick with a textbook header past the keeper and into the net. Unfortunately for Diaby, the keeper was Fargo bad guy lookalike Alumina, and the three points were well on their way to Old Trafford.



Almunia, and that must be his accomplice in the wood chipper.